Published: July 29, 2010
I like that Sir James Goldsmith quote: ‘When a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy’.”The Mistress, by Victoria Griffin (Bloomsbury pounds 18.99) is published on 23 September.. Kathryn Bowler doesn’t look like a teenager who’s been to hell and back, but the 17-year-old spent three months earlier this year in filthy, dark confinement with the rest of her family. “I don’t think she’s done a very good job as a mistress but she has done well at making a living out of it now, with her book and everything. I’m not sure I would even call her a mistress – the term implies a relationship, not a quick fumble in the Oval Office.” Camilla Parker-Bowles, she says, is a better example “Camilla comes from a whole line of them, of course. She’s done as well as anyone could, she has kept remarkably discreet considering the pressure not to be. As a writer, this is all very well, but pity the poor mistress chained to her desk in a nine-to-five job. “This kind of relationship does work best when one or both partners has a certain degree of flexibility,” she notes drily.Wives, in her book, do not get a sympathetic portrayal Most are naggy and draggy bunch of humourless whingers “I could be biased,” she admits.
“It’s not a role I really understand.” In a confrontational situation, the wife, she says, tends to attack the other woman rather than her erring husband. Victoria has only once been challenged by a territorial wife “She wrote to me. She said she’d been happy for a few years after their marriage and I remember thinking that wasn’t very good and why hadn’t she left him before? I was being young and horrible – I’ve learned more sympathy since then. Looking back, she was very good about it.”For an example of how not to do it, Victoria would point to Monica Lewinsky. I like Christmas on my own, I was never one for family events.”She says that she likes to keep a part of herself separate for work (but lets slip in the book that she’ll abandon a project at a moment’s notice for an afternoon’s frolicking). I have a small group of close friends who know about my situation, and phases when I see friends who aren’t so close – supposing my lover is on a family holiday. But they have to come second.” Landmarks like Christmas lose their significance “You make your own landmarks.
Mistresses talk about lonely weekends, the feeling of abandonment when the man plays happy family holidays in August. “You have to learn not to look forward to things,” explains Victoria. “If you plan a couple of days away together you know it can go wrong You can’t let yourself bank on anything. But then it’s nice when things do happen because you can’t believe they’re going to.”She tries not to ditch her friends too often because her lover happens to be unexpectedly free “But I don’t always succeed.