According to calculations apparently made at the Massachusetts institute of Technology, Santa has 91.8m homes to visit around the world each Christmas night, which, taking full advantage of the earth’s rotation, works out as 822.6 visits per second.
That is to say, for every Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever delicacies have been left out for him, struggle back up the chimney, into the sleigh, and then move on to the next house.The report continues: “Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but for the purposes of our argument will accept) we are now talking about .78 miles per household: a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops. This is all a bit like Wild Bill Hickok and Buffalo Bill arguing about who’s going to shoot the last buffalo. Unless we know how to conserve fishing stocks better, there won’t be any fish for anybody.”In the West Country, fishing leaders yesterday pledged to back a campaign to pull out of the Common Fish Policy.. “But at the beginning of the week we would have been rather happy to know we were going to get this much. “I suspect this marks the beginnings of the end of the Common Fisheries policy.

The EU has over-ridden very genuine national and regional issues, and I think that will have consequences well beyond fisheries policy.”Sir Richard Body, who resigned the Tory whip last month, said the decision meant “the end of our fishing industry”.Sir Teddy Taylor, a Euro-rebel, feared “because the Spaniards are not particularly good at policing their fishermen, we could end up with near anarchy”.Mr Waldegrave yesterday accepted the deal was not perfect, but emphasised Britain had secured agreement to keep the Spanish out of the Irish Sea and Bristol Channel, even if they would have access to waters off south-west Scotland, Ireland and the Cornish coast.”I would have liked more,” Mr Waldegrave said. It would have repercussions not just on British fishermen but on attitudes to Europe, he said. Gavin Strang, Labour’s agriculture spokesman, called for a statement from William Waldegrave, Minister for Agriculture, when the Commons returns next month, saying if the Government did not provide a debate on this “historic failure” then the Opposition would consider using a supply day to decide one.
That would raise the potential for a government defeat, with Eurosceptic MPs yesterday condemning the European Union decision, by qualified majority voting, and with Tory MPs in the South-west deeply unhappy that the Spaniards will be allowed access to much of the “Irish box” from 1996.David Harris, Tory MP for St Ives, and a pragmatic pro- European, dubbed the decision “diabolical” and “manna to the Eurosceptics”. Labour yesterday threatened a Commons vote over the Government’s failure to keep Spanishtrawlers out of vital UK and Irish waters as fishermen and rebel Tory MPs condemned the Brussels decision, made on Thursday after a 31-hour discussion. His contract has a year to run.The orchestra’s statement continued: “The RPO further acknowledges Mr Ashkenazy’s long and devoted commitment to its interest and his generous financial support offered through fund-raising concerts performer without fees, reduced conducting fees and other irreplaceable contributions.”The statement added: “Further discussions about his future work with the RPO will take place in due course.”Mr Ashkenazy’s agent, Jasper Parrott, said last night that the conductor would be working with the orchestra during the UN World Tour which is scheduled for June 1995 It marks the UN’s 50th anniversary.. Mr Ashkenazy, 57, best known as a pianist, joined the orchestra more than 10 years ago. Mr Ashkenazy had threatened to resign earlier this week after he learnt that the orchestra was secretly discussing his replacement.
In a statement made yesterday, the orchestra’s board said it wished “to apologise for the hurt that has been done to their music director, Vladimir Ashkenazy, and recognise that it was their duty to have consulted with him about any possible successor”.It is understood that the board had been talking to the conductor Daniele Gatti, one of the classical music world’s brightest young stars, who is already the principal guest conductor at the Royal Opera.

The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra yesterday apologised to its music director Vladimir Ashkenazy for negotiating to replace him without his knowledge, writes Tim Kelsey. He served 10 months after his lawyers said a long sentence would have aggravated pre-senile dementia.. He was jailed for five years after being found guilty of playing a central role in the illegal operation to support shares during the bid for Distillers. He had already spent six months Los Angeles jail.His marriage broke up, and he was expelled by the Stock Exchange.Gerald Ronson was convicted of theft, false accounting and conspiracy, and lost his £10m yacht and £4m private jet.He seemed to adjust best to his six months in prison, touring the grounds on a bicycle, doing errands for the prison governor and running business leadership classes for fellow inmates.Ernest Saunders, now 58, had been earning £375,000 a year when the scandal broke. He was convicted of theft, false accounting and conspiracy.Anthony Parnes, a former stockbroker, was known in the City as “the Animal” because of his trading tactics.Of the four defendants he has probably fared the worst He left Ford in July 1992 after serving 11 months. Whatever persuaded Mr Ward and Mr Saunders to sanction the investment, it was to prove one of the most momentous decisions of their lives.Jack Lyons, 78, was fined £3m, stripped of his knighthood, and saved from prison only by age and ill-health.During the Distillers takeover, he recruited people to buy Guinness shares; he also bought some himself He received a £3m fee, but returned two-thirds of it. – particularly with Ivan Boesky, the American arbitrageur who exposed the whole Guinness affair.Mr Boesky has never recovered his reputation after doing a stint in jail, and paying hundreds of millions of dollars in fines and compensation for his Guinness role and a host of separate insider dealing scams.In return for taking part in the share support operation, it was agreed that Guinness would invest $100m in one of his arbitrage funds.

He has paid a small amount, but, according to Guinness’s last calculations, he still owes £9m when accrued interest is taken intoaccount.The complexity of the legal issues will go on to another plain in the New Year, when Lord Spens’s lawyers will exchange documents with opponents from Freshfields, the City law firm which is defending his claim against the Bank of England.Lord Spens, acquitted when the second Guinness trial collapsed due to the ill-health of his co-defendant, Roger Seelig, is claiming damages for alleged pressure by the Bank to end his employment as a director at Henry Ansbacher, the merchant bank, in 1987.While the English legal system has still yet to get to grips with these claims some eight years after the Guinness scandal hit the headlines, the Americans have demonstrated how swift, and how punishing they can be with such cases. He is suing “a whole host of people involved in the deal”, as well as Guinness for £57m.Guinness in turn is taking legal action to recover the £5.2m fees paid by the company to him during the Distillers takeover. Compensation claims of telephone number proportions could be lodged by lawyers if Ernest Saunders, Gerald Ronson, Anthony Parnes and Jack Lyons emerge victorious after their Court of Appeal case.
A total claim from the four men running into hundreds of millions of pounds is far from being fantasy material. They were extremely successful men, and will have many axes to grind which will keep lawyers and the courts busy for years.What price for Jack Lyons’ knighthood? Will Gerald Ronson claim that the Guinness affair was responsible for bringing his Heron empire to its knees? What compensation will Ernest Saunders seek from losing control of one of the biggest drinks companies inthe world? And what redress will Tony Parnes want for the abrupt end to his promising City career?Claims for loss of liberty by three of the men will be peripheral when set against these much wider issues.A taste of what is to come is currently being provided by Thomas Ward and Lord Spens who were acquitted in subsequent Guinness trials.Mr Ward, the American lawyer who advised Mr Saunders in Guinness’s £2.7bn takeover of Distillers, last year issued several writs from his base in California.

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